Module 04 · Determinants of Initial Attraction初始吸引的决定因素
Similarity相似性
Overview 概述
Have you heard the expression “birds of a feather flock together”? What about the phrase “opposites attract”? These two sayings are contradictory: The first suggests we like those who are similar to us, and the second suggests we like people who are dissimilar from us. Which do you believe is accurate?
你听说过“物以类聚”这个说法吗？还有“异性相吸”这个短语呢？这两句话是矛盾的：第一句暗示我们喜欢与我们相似的人，而第二句暗示我们喜欢与我们不同的人。你更相信哪一个呢？
A wealth of research has demonstrated that similarity is one of the strongest predictors of liking: We like those to whom we are similar (see Montoya et al., 2008). Two points are worth mentioning. First, we might ask what kind of similarity matters. Research has shown that similarity on a wide range of dimensions is important, including similarity in personality traits, attitudes, hobbies, values, and physical attractiveness (Caspi & Herbener, 1990; Newcomb, 1956; van Straaten et al., 2009). A good example of this effect in action is dating apps, on which users are encouraged to share a short autobiography that highlights key traits in order to attract prospective partners. In a study of more than 1 million users of a popular dating app, researchers found that similarity between individuals was linked to a higher likelihood of mutual attraction and desire to meet in person (Levy et al., 2019). These similarities ranged from psychological traits (e.g., extraversion) and physical traits (e.g., height) to personal choices (e.g., desire for a certain type of relationship) and shared experiences.
大量研究表明，相似性是预测喜好程度的最强因素之一：我们喜欢那些与我们相似的人（参见 Montoya 等人，2008 年）。有两点值得提及。首先，我们可能会问哪种相似性很重要。研究表明，在广泛维度上的相似性都很重要，包括性格特征、态度、爱好、价值观和身体吸引力（Caspi 和 Herbener，1990 年；Newcomb，1956 年；van Straaten 等人，2009 年）。这一效应在实际生活中的一个良好例子是约会应用，在这些应用中，用户被鼓励分享简短的自我介绍，以突出关键特征以吸引潜在的伴侣。在一项针对一款流行约会应用超过 100 万用户的调查中，研究人员发现，个体之间的相似性与相互吸引和希望面对面见面的可能性更高（Levy 等人，2019 年）。这些相似性包括从心理特征（例如，外向性）和身体特征（例如，身高）到个人选择（例如，对某种类型关系的渴望）和共同经历。
Second, research has found that perceived similarity, more than actual similarity, predicts liking. Individuals only have to think they are alike for friendships or relationships to develop (Montoya et al., 2008). For example, in a study of more than 100 participants at a speed-dating event, results showed that perceived rather than actual similarity significantly predicted romantic liking (Tidwell et al., 2013). Why? According to the researchers, speed-daters may conclude that if a potential partner has one particular trait in common with them, then they are likely to have many more related traits in common with them, too.
其次，研究发现，感知相似性比实际相似性更能预测喜好。个人只需认为自己与他人相似，友谊或关系就能发展（Montoya 等，2008）。例如，在一项针对超过 100 名参与者的速配活动的研究中，结果显示感知相似性而非实际相似性显著预测了浪漫喜好（Tidwell 等，2013）。为什么？根据研究人员的观点，速配者可能会得出结论，如果潜在伴侣与他们有一个共同的特征，那么他们很可能还有许多其他相关特征是共同的。
Reflection Activity 反思活动
Think about the role that similarity and perceived similarity have played in your relationships. Do you tend to have friends and partners who share traits with you? If your initial reaction is “no,” think about what traits you do have in common. Regardless, think about specific ways that your similarity or lack of similarity with your friend or partner has impacted your relationship.
思考一下相似性和感知相似性在你的关系中扮演的角色。你是否倾向于拥有与你共享特质的友谊和伴侣？如果你的初始反应是“不”，那么想想你有哪些共同特质。无论如何，思考一下你与朋友或伴侣的相似性或缺乏相似性是如何影响你们关系的。
Growing Together or Apart 共同成长或分离
As we learned in the previous section, research has demonstrated that similarity in personality traits, attitudes, and physical attractiveness have each been found to predict attraction. Above and beyond these factors, Gonzaga and colleagues (2007) proposed the idea that similarity in emotional responses plays a role in relationship satisfaction. Specifically, they argued that having similar emotional reactions to situations allows partners to better understand each other’s emotions, improving relationship quality (Keltner & Kring, 1998).
如我们在上一节所学，研究表明，性格特征、态度和身体吸引力之间的相似性都被发现可以预测吸引力。在这些因素之上，Gonzaga 及其同事（2007 年）提出了一个观点，即情感反应的相似性在关系满意度中发挥作用。具体来说，他们认为对情境有相似的感性反应，可以让伴侣更好地理解彼此的情感，提高关系质量（Keltner & Kring，1998 年）。
Using a longitudinal design, Gonzaga and colleagues measured personality similarity, emotional similarity, and relationship quality in a group of newlyweds at one point in time and then again one year later. Couples completed measures of personality, emotion, and marital satisfaction at both time points, and engaged in two 10-minute conflict discussions at Time 1. For the conflict discussions, couples were asked to discuss an issue of recurrent conflict, and to try to work toward a solution.
采用纵向设计，冈萨加及其同事在一年的时间里，对一组新婚夫妇在某一时间点以及一年后的个性相似性、情感相似性和关系质量进行了测量。夫妇双方在两个时间点完成了个性、情感和婚姻满意度测量，并在时间 1 进行了两次各 10 分钟的冲突讨论。对于冲突讨论，夫妇被要求讨论一个反复出现的冲突问题，并尝试寻求解决方案。
Gonzaga and colleagues found, first, that couples exhibited significantly more similarity in personality and emotion than did random pairs. In addition, they found that “couples who became more alike in personality and emotional experience generally maintained their levels of marital satisfaction, whereas those who became less alike in personality and emotional experience faced steep drops in marital satisfaction over the 1.5 years of marriage” (p. 45). Thus, evidence supports the importance of similarity in both attraction (i.e., the desire to begin a relationship) and relationship satisfaction (i.e., the desire to continue a relationship).
冈扎加及其同事发现，首先，夫妻在性格和情感上表现出比随机配对显著更多的相似性。此外，他们发现，“在性格和情感体验上越来越相似的夫妻通常能维持他们的婚姻满意度水平，而那些在性格和情感体验上越来越不相似的夫妻在 1.5 年的婚姻期间面临婚姻满意度急剧下降”（第 45 页）。因此，证据支持了相似性在吸引力（即开始一段关系的愿望）和关系满意度（即继续一段关系的愿望）中的重要性。
Reflection Activity 反思活动
Consider a close friendship, family relationship, or romantic relationship that you’ve had. Over the course of this relationship, how have you and your close friend, family member, or partner become more similar or different, personality- and emotion-wise? What consequences have resulted from these evolving similarities or differences?
考虑一下你曾经拥有过的亲密友谊、家庭关系或恋爱关系。在这段关系中，你和你亲密的朋友、家庭成员或伴侣在性格和情感上是如何变得更加相似或不同的？这些逐渐变化的相似性或差异带来了哪些后果？