Module 06 · Relationship Satisfaction and Dissolution关系满意度与解体
The Least Romantic Theory of Relationships社会交换与公平理论
Overview 概述
Up to this point, we’ve talked quite a bit about passion and love and intimacy and other emotional qualities of relationships. In this section, we’re going to go in a completely different direction and examine relationships in a much more detached, analytical way. Specifically, on this page, we’re going to introduce you to social exchange theory.
截至此刻，我们已就激情、爱情、亲密以及其他关系中的情感特质进行了大量讨论。在本节中，我们将完全转向不同的方向，以更加客观、分析的方式探讨关系。具体来说，在本页，我们将向您介绍社会交换理论。
An Introduction to Social Exchange Theory 社会交换理论简介
Social exchange theory was the brainchild of sociologist George Homans (1958; see Cook et al., 2013, for a more recent evaluation of the theory). The central premise of the theory is that people make rational decisions about their relationships by evaluating how the relationship benefits them and what the relationship costs them. That is, this theory argues that, just like in business transactions, relationships are best understood through the lens of transactions between partners. Therefore, once you add up all of the benefits of a relationship, and then add up all of the costs of the relationship, you will be able to predict the quality of the relationship and whether it endures or ends (Kelley & Thibaut, 1978; Thibaut & Kelley, 1959). As the title of this page suggests, this is indeed one of the least romantic theories of relationships.
社会交换理论是社会学家乔治·霍曼斯（1958 年）的创想（参见 Cook 等人，2013 年，对理论的最新评估）。该理论的核心前提是，人们通过评估关系对他们带来的利益以及关系带来的成本来做出关于他们关系的理性决策。也就是说，该理论认为，就像在商业交易中一样，关系最好通过伙伴之间的交易来理解。因此，一旦你将关系的所有利益加起来，再将关系的所有成本加起来，你就能预测关系的质量以及它是否持续或结束（Kelley & Thibaut，1978 年；Thibaut & Kelley，1959 年）。正如本页标题所暗示的，这确实是最不浪漫的关系理论之一。
Before you outright reject the idea that people can take such a cold, calculating approach to thinking about their own relationships, let’s remember that, earlier in the course, we noted that psychological models often don’t model the decision-making *processes *that people go through; rather, they model the *outcome *of those decisions. That is, the ultimate goal of the researchers who use the social exchange model is to predict people’s behavior in their relationships. Whether people do these mental calculations or not is almost secondary to whether or not this model accurately predicts who is satisfied in their relationship and who isn’t.
在您完全拒绝人们可以采取如此冷漠、计算的方式思考自己的关系之前，让我们记住，在课程早期，我们提到心理模型通常不模拟人们经历的决策过程；相反，它们模拟这些决策的结果。也就是说，使用社会交换模型的研究者的最终目标是预测人们在关系中的行为。人们是否进行这些心理计算几乎次要于这个模型是否准确预测了谁在关系中感到满意，谁没有。
As an aside, the idea that people explicitly weigh the costs and benefits of their relationships is not as outlandish as it might seem. In his personal notes and letters, biologist Charles Darwin wrote down a list of pros and cons when he was considering whether he should marry the woman who eventually became his wife. Among the ideas that he listed was that marrying her would give him a constant companion and friend in old age, but also might lead to his being forced to visit relatives and, even worse, move out of London (Darwin, 1838).
作为旁白，人们明确权衡他们关系的成本和收益的想法并不像看起来那么荒谬。在查尔斯·达尔文个人的笔记和信件中，当他考虑是否应该娶最终成为他妻子的那位女士时，他记录下了一份利弊清单。他列出的想法之一是，与她结婚将给他一个老年时的固定伴侣和朋友，但也可能导致他被迫拜访亲戚，甚至更糟的是，搬出伦敦（达尔文，1838）。
Reflection Activity 反思活动
Let’s relate the information about social exchange theory back to our previous discussion about the determinants of initial attraction (propinquity, similarity, physical attractiveness, and reciprocal liking). In addition to their role in initial attraction, these factors may also play a role in the costs and benefits of a relationship. For example, having a physically attractive partner may boost a person’s self-esteem (a benefit), but also might make them more likely to feel jealousy (a cost).
让我们将关于社会交换理论的信息与我们之前关于初始吸引决定因素（邻近性、相似性、外貌吸引力和相互喜欢）的讨论联系起来。除了在初始吸引中的作用外，这些因素还可能在关系的成本和收益中发挥作用。例如，拥有一个外貌吸引人的伴侣可能会提高一个人的自尊（一种收益），但也可能使他们更容易感到嫉妒（一种成本）。
Think about relationships (including friendships) that you’ve had. Were there determinants of initial attraction that created costs or benefits after the relationships started? Describe them.
考虑一下你曾经拥有过的关系（包括友谊）。在关系开始后，是否有决定初始吸引力的因素，这些因素在关系开始后产生了成本或收益？描述它们。
Going Beyond Simple Exchanges 超越简单交流
How do costs and benefits relate to relationship satisfaction? It makes intuitive sense that if we have more benefits than costs, we’d be satisfied with our relationship, and, if the reverse were true, we’d be dissatisfied. However, by simply looking at existing relationships, we can see examples that violate this simple rule. Numerous satisfying relationships exist in which costs exceed benefits. Similarly, relationships can have benefits that exceed costs and still be dissatisfying. So, how can we integrate the idea of satisfaction into social exchange theory?
如何将成本和收益与关系满意度联系起来？从直观上看，如果我们得到的收益大于成本，我们会对我们的关系感到满意，反之，我们会感到不满意。然而，仅仅通过观察现有的关系，我们就能看到违反这一简单规则的反例。存在许多令人满意的关系，其中成本超过收益。同样，关系可能具有超过成本的收益，但仍然令人不满意。那么，我们如何将满意度的概念整合到社会交换理论中？
Relationships, and their costs and benefits, don’t exist in a vacuum. Rather, they exist in the context of previous relationships, depictions of relationships in media, fantasies about relationships, and so on. All of these other relationships lead people to develop *expectations *for what the costs and benefits of a relationship should be. In the language of social exchange theory, people develop a comparison level—an expectation of what the costs and benefits of a relationship should be (Thibaut & Kelley, 1959). When the costs and benefits of a relationship are better than our comparison level, we are satisfied. When they’re not, we’re dissatisfied.
关系及其成本和收益并非孤立存在。相反，它们存在于先前关系、媒体中对关系的描绘、对关系的幻想等背景下。所有这些其他关系都导致人们形成对关系成本和收益的期望。在社会交换理论的语言中，人们发展出一个比较水平——对关系成本和收益应该是什么的期望（Thibaut & Kelley，1959）。当关系的成本和收益优于我们的比较水平时，我们感到满意。当它们不如此时，我们感到不满意。
Ironically, following this entirely rational model of decision-making can lead us to make the irrational decision to be dissatisfied with objectively good relationships. If we have unrealistically high expectations for what a relationship should be (perhaps due to biased exposure to impossibly positive relationships in media and social media), even objectively good relationships won’t live up to our unattainable comparison level. Therefore, we end up dissatisfied in relationships from which we objectively benefit greatly. A similar logic can be used to explain how low expectations (a low comparison level) could lead to our being satisfied in an objectively bad relationship.
讽刺的是，遵循这个完全理性的决策模式可能会让我们做出不理智的决定，对客观上良好的关系感到不满意。如果我们对一段关系应该是什么样子有不切实际的过高期望（可能是因为受到媒体和社交媒体中不可能如此积极的关系的偏见影响），即使客观上良好的关系也无法达到我们无法达到的比较水平。因此，我们最终对那些客观上给我们带来巨大利益的关系感到不满意。类似的逻辑可以用来解释低期望（低比较水平）如何导致我们在客观上糟糕的关系中感到满意。
Reflection Activity 反思活动
The process of evaluating your relationship satisfaction by comparing the costs and benefits with your comparison level is only rational if your comparison level is an accurate representation of the costs and benefits of a realistic satisfying relationship. Put another way, people who have irrationally high or low comparison levels may be dissatisfied with objectively good relationships or satisfied with objectively poor relationships. Many commenters have blamed the media (e.g., television, movies) and social media (e.g., influencer posts) for distorting people’s comparison levels.
评估您的关系满意度，通过将成本和收益与您的比较水平进行比较，只有在您的比较水平是现实满意关系的成本和收益的准确反映时才是理性的。换句话说，那些比较水平不合理过高或过低的人可能会对客观上良好的关系感到不满意，或者对客观上较差的关系感到满意。许多评论者将媒体（例如，电视、电影）和社交媒体（例如，网红帖子）归咎于扭曲人们的比较水平。
Create a list of several examples of inaccurate relationship depictions in media or on social media that might change people’s comparison levels for the worse. Then, comment on how it would change their comparison level and the effects this would have on people’s relationship satisfaction.
创建一份关于媒体或社交媒体上可能降低人们比较水平的不准确关系描述的几个例子清单。然后，评论这会如何改变他们的比较水平以及这种变化对人们关系满意度的影响。
Factoring in Fairness 考虑公平性
With social exchange theory’s emphasis on maximizing benefits and minimizing costs, it sounds like psychology is assuming humans care only about their own self-interests. Equity theory steps outside of this pure exchange model and suggests that, in addition to keeping track of costs and benefits, people also are sensitive to how the costs and benefits of one partner match or mismatch the costs and benefits of the other partner (Walster et al., 1976). That is, if one person is receiving most of the benefits from the relationship and the other is paying most of the costs, equity theory states that both partners (the overbenefited and the underbenefited) will be dissatisfied with the relationship. Research results are generally supportive of this model, with members of equitable relationships showing more satisfaction than either overbenefited or underbenefited people (Hatfield et al., 1985).
在社会交换理论强调最大化利益和最小化成本的同时，心理学似乎假设人类只关心自己的利益。公平理论超越了这种纯粹交换模型，并建议，除了跟踪成本和利益外，人们还对一方与另一方的成本和利益如何匹配或错配敏感（Walster 等，1976）。也就是说，如果一个人从关系中获得了大部分利益，而另一个人承担了大部分成本，公平理论认为，双方（过度受益者和受益不足者）都会对这种关系感到不满意。研究结果普遍支持这一模型，公平关系中的成员比过度受益者或受益不足者表现出更高的满意度（Hatfield 等，1985）。
We’ll return to the idea that costs and benefits are important to relationship satisfaction when we discuss relationships ending. For now, let’s look at some other factors that can impact relationship satisfaction.
我们将回到成本和收益对关系满意度重要性的观点，当我们讨论关系结束时。现在，让我们看看一些可能影响关系满意度的其他因素。